dear John

I am writing a letter:
Dear Joan Osborne,
I wish to address some issues you presented to me regarding a certain theological issue: what is God was one of us?.
Well ms. Osborne it’s like this…God created all man kind (presumably) and if this is true, as the creator of mankind, he cannot be his own creation, therefore not being “one of us” as you so inquisitively put it. In short, you can’t be your own creation ergo the major question of “what if god was one of us?’ is moot..

So thanks for getting it stuck in my head today you fake nose ring wearing, 90’s throwback philosophical hack bag

Kindest regards Alexandra

Another letter pending:

Dear Microwave,
I have a problem that I believe we should address. I am not sure what has happened in our past to warrant such behavior but I would like to know why you insist on burning all of my popcorn. Did the popcorn do something to offend you? Is the popcorn Racist? Sexist? Republican?
Please respond at your closest convenience as I am quite perturbed by the situation we are in
-alexandra