Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Who wants to be a Danny Boyle?

I went to torts today. It was pretty much awful. The four hour exam that I never could have imagined actually took four hours, took about four hours. Excruciating pain. Tears. Cramping. But when it was all over I had the honor of saying that I am now done with my first semester of law school.


That being said I think I have lost my mind. I mean really

Other notes, if you have not yet, go see Slumdog millionaire. It was amazing

Danny Boyle is amazing. I love him. And a funny side note, my sister and I joke that Danny Boyle can do whatever he wants. We even were thinking of starting a line of bracelets that say WWDBD? What would Danny Boyle do? End the world, urn people into zombies, drop a million dollars and or a duffle bag of heroin on our unsuspecting heroine.
I mention this because in the end, presumably as a nod to the Indian film culture where he had set his story, there was a very Bollywood dance number. And when my bofirned saw it he said “what?! Why is there a….oh right Danny Boyle”

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Happy Birfday to me...happy birfday to me

So today is my birthday!!

I am 23

Fears about being old aside, I have decided to reflect on what 23 years on this earth have taught me as I enjoy the light breakfast I treated myself to today
1. you only get this one life, and when you really think about it it isn’t a long time. Like Chuck Palahniuk said “On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero”.
2. In regards to number 1, life is to short to eat bad food, read bad books, drink bad wine and hang out with people who suck
3. people don’t think about nearly as much as you think they do, and when they do, its never nearly half as bad as you think it is. But if it’s a lot and if its all bad things then your doing something right. Your nobody till somebody hates you, because no one wants the unsuccessful and unliked to fail.
4. dress well everyday. For starters, you will be prepared for everything life has to throw at you. And furthermore, almost all success comes through self confidence, and nothing makes you as confident as knowing you look good
5. to add to this, you are not Heidi Klum, you will never be Heidi Klum, to some degree even she isn’t Heidi Klum. And if she spent all of her time upset she wasn’t Tyra Banks, you wouldn’t find her attractive anyway, so get over it.
6. the beauty in all things comes from its uniqueness. Think of the most beautiful person in the world. Then really look at their features. I’d bet a starbucks that they are just as “ugly” as you are
7. don’t bet starbucks with your mom (this is new)
8. don’t let other people make up your mind for you. I hate my boobs. I will always hate my boobs. And for a while I struggled with the unfeminist implications of getting them “worked on”. But then I realized that putting your happiness aside so you can fit yourself into a mold, however noble, is no different then “doing what other people want you to”
9. having boobies is not a bad life goal
10. having big feet is ok
11. being dumb is ok
12. being everything but lazy and pretentious is ok
13. brown does go with black, and gold with silver, navy with black, and argile with plaid. The only rule of thumb here is if you own it; it works
14. your never too old to enjoy your birthday. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I wrinkle, but I’ve had the grays, I’ve had the growth spurts, and all I know is with every year I am smarter then the year before. Because of this I will never be afraid of getting older…….nervous, ok, and maybe I’ll whine but there is nothing but nobility in aging with grace.
15. OJ after Toothpaste tastes like ass

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Sex, Drugs, and Contracts

Breakfast: Oscar’s poppy seed bagel, toasted with Phillie Cream cheese

Lunch: Thanksgiving Turkey with Cranberry sauce (wheeee) on cranberry, walnut, wheat bread.

Dinner: spinach and goat cheese salad with hot beacon dressing.

If only everything in life were as good as that right now.

I need desperately to do laundry (I may tonight)

I need to do another practice exam

I’m getting fat, and in an effort to stop this I am going to try to write down what I eat. Here are some of my general rules for the coming weeks:

One meal a day must be a salad or solely a vegetable.
In an attempt to utilize the small meals theory of dieting, I am trying to have at least one food consuming unit consist of fruit (banana, soy, carrot shake, or apple with PB)
One must be protein
Only one can be exclusively carb
I’m making it mandatory to drink at least one 20 oz water bottle a day
No eating anything other then veggies after 8

Side notes:
Turkey is basically god to me know. I have a huge bag of leftovers (thanks mom) and it is probably the happiest site to see when opening my fridge.

My pants are tight…..grr. I’m a little mad that all of my weight seems to gravitate to my stomach and the little patch between my thighs as to achieve optimum fatness. Though I am willing to accept it goes to other places as well and I just don’t notice till it gets here, but still.

My birthday is this weekend, tucked ever so snugly between the bouts of depression and manic panic episodes that is law school finals. So this week is for me a race to that ultimate finish line. Plus people being forced to make me their primary concern for a day couldn’t have come at a better time

Am trying to keep thoughts high and keep taking deep breaths. All I have to do is keep on track. So with any luck on the 18th when this hot tranny mess is all over I will be a 23 year old, successful collegiate with no more pimples and a great ass.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Got thankfulness ?

Things I am thankful for:
- my wrist brace. It is the only thing separating me from agony and I love it for its diligent efforts to keep me relatively pain free
- free episodes of gossip girl
- free episodes of bones
- starbucks
- my amazing boyfriend who knows the quickest path to my heart is through starbucks. Story: I went to the video store with POD to rent “run fat boy run”, and I got a call. Or rather pod got a call. When I picked up he told me he was actually looking for me, and wanted to talk since he had called the house before to talk to POD and my mom not me. Then I told him we were going to grab a starbucks and then go watch the movie if he’d like to come over. He told me he’d be there in a few which confused me as he lives a few towns away from the parents. But anyway…..I walk into starbucks and poof. There he is. He had come down to the sims and gotten me and pod a bucks to surprise us. Apparently he was hoping to deliver then to the house but our little outing spoiled it. though it was still amazingly adorable.
- My birthday. There are hushed tones and secret calls. I am excited
- Our post thanksgiving xmas outing. Can’t wait
- Leftovers
- Booze (viva vidi vino)
- The family, the friends, everyone that supports me and that I care about
- And finally love, honesty, beauty and charity
And by that I mean illegal prescription drugs which get the same results while I study

Go and give thanks. If you were to really take a look there is a lot in life to be thankful for and now’s a good time to take a breath and realize it.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bah ..Hum....Pilates

My poor blog
How neglectful I’ve been. School has taken up every waking hour of my time. and what seldom time if left is devoted to restless sleep, tragically small amounts of time spent with boyfriend and family, and even less time spent with friends not also suffering through the isolating hell of law school.

Some notes about the recent weeks:
My appartment is basically amazing. I love it. Its warm, its cozy, had some help rearranging furniture (will not elaborate…basically put in to make myself laugh).

I’m getting fat. Well ok, not fat, but I’ve been a lazy lob in the Pilates department and have been eating all manner of bad things and I dare say its starting to show. With any luck this will be resolved over Christmas break

I hate Christmas. What typically melancholy anti-social sentiment. But I do. Family being annoying (there will be bitching about family members who buy too much while simultaneously bitching not enough yet purchased. There will be the seasonal argument that Christmas is about family time made by the first person out of the room when the presents are open. Putting in the middle the only understanding person (or person who doesn’t care in the least audible fashion). Kitchen disasters, family brunch, not being invited to family brunch, hearing people complain I have no spirit. etc
But I’m trying this year. I’m putting a tree up (a little one). I’m baking all of the cookies and trying to have some passion about it. I may do something friend centered rather then family centered (wrap party, group shopping trip, binge eggnog drinking).
We are also going shopping the day after thanksgiving. This is a tradition that is almost as traditional as my parents bitching that it isn’t in the spirit of Christmas, and consequentially ruining the only day of the year that I truly feel in the spirit. Imagine with me: every year after thanksgiving, still in the stupor of a delicious meal, we drive up to a very swanky mall in Westchester NY. There are no crowds yet, no pushing and pulling in every store by frantic shoppers, Christmas music playing, tasteful (and I might I add still new) decorations, maybe a nice gingerbread latte. Yes this day and this day alone I feel in the spirit. Mostly because it’s the way I remember Christmas from when I was a kid. A fun time of year, with no hassle, no stress, just the music and the weather and the decorations. You know the fun stuff. Every other day of the season is filled with whining family, passively feuding, overbearing music, traffic. Or more importantly my parents talking about how this is supposed to be family together time when we hate being together. And there is proof. Christmas morning, we get up, we have breakfast, we open presents and BAM... mom’s in the kitchen were no one is allowed to talk to her and my dad is gone. Leaving my sister my aunt and myself (you know the people that don’t understand Christmas) to have a good time.

Outside of that I am almost 23 (dilemma of age!!! I feel so old. It’s officially my 20’s and there’s no turning back)- ok I know your thinking there’s no turning back whatever age you are but they make creams for that now

So let me sum up for those of you who don’t like lengthy reads:
- the only day of Christmas that I truly enjoy is coming!!!
- If the family ruins this oh so lovely day for me by lambasting the tragedy of consumerism on the holidays I will become Jewish
- I’m an old bitch
- Law School sucks
- hurray for sucking in

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I am for the first time in at least eight years, though I dare say it may be all my life, I am proud to be an American. I think we did a great thing last night. We proved that we are not to ignorant to look past our own toe hold in our bipartisan structure to make informed decisions on progressive change. We proved we are not too prejudiced to elect our nations first black president. I think in this dire wasteland of foreign relations, we have proved to other countries that we are not as dumb as we look and we can fix our mistakes.

I doubted you for the past few months and I’m happy to have been proved wrong

On a side note, I quite sadly do not get to form my terrorist organization to blow up fox news as I had promised I would if McCain was elected.

On a personal note I have moved into my new place and am happier then a pig in poop about it

God (or any other deity you choose to or not to worship) bless (in religious or nonreligious sense) America

The reference to forming a terrorist organization is completely fictitious, and does not in any way reflect an anti-political or social belief in the writer of this blog. It was meant to be funny. That is all. And as a note on this note, the patriot act blows…..

Thursday, October 30, 2008

They tried to make me go to Alaska….I said no no no

I am cold

It’s cold in my apartment

It’s cold outside

It’s cold in my classroom

Ok issue 1: the cold in my apartment will soon be rectified when I move out tomorrow, and into my new place Sunday!!!!!

I’m quite excited. I already have a tentative floor plan of where I want everything to go. May have to have formal housewarming, when I’m caught up on work and not crying myself to sleep

The cold outside is tragic. This is mostly because I walked around yesterday freezing my bum bum off in my white trench. Yes it’s a spring coat, but still. I thought I was way to early to be this cold. Then I realized in two days it will be November. Which led me to believe…..shit I missed fall.

Our classroom has been the temperature of hell for like three weeks now, and smells like smelly gym sock. This is bad. However, we all signed a petition the other day to fix the temperature, and now the room is about 50. no dice. I’m having a hard time believing that our only two settings are hell and Alaska, though considering their governor you could make the perverse argument that these are now one in the same. Like Lauren said when we watched 30 days of night, “now the sun comes up they realize they have Sarah Palin and the real terror begins”. May carve her likeness into pumpkin

But back to temp issues I miss hell

And as an aside to that, I am dressing like a devil for a party tonight. This is only a mini costume and I’m saving my energy for tomorrow when I dress like Amy Winehouse.

Must still get fake tattoos for costume. And drink a bottle of Jackie D’s

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ask not what your blog can do for you, but what your blog can keep you from doing

I’m taking time out of my day to write this entry, even though there are umpt-teen-million assignments looming over me. I’ll bullet to save time:

- my carpel tunnel is out of control and I have to type

- I went to U of H last night to see a lecture

- The lecture was very interesting

- Also went to Tappas (yum!! And lets here it for the only Mediterranean restaurant where anything veggie (in this case the veggie tappas) didn’t have eggplant (gross) thank you Tappas)

- It is the end of October and I am already fantasying about finishing my finals, taking a month or wrist rest, reading books for fun and going to arugula for my birthday

- I woke up at 5 and then again at 7 which sucked more then it should have considering I was in bed by midnight…but still

- Missed LRW on purpose

- Missed contracts half accidentally. Didn’t really want to go. Talked myself out of going over bagels this morning. Arrived in Springfield in time and thought what the hell. Got stuck in crazy traffic within ten miles of the school and missed class.

- Wore my boots all day yesterday, it hurts, but it was so worth it

- For all above reasons I am wearing my comply sweater and rip-off ugg slippers

- I have a Greek salad waiting for me that I am so excited about

- I am now a official volunteer for Obamas campaign

- I am procrastinating

- I’m going to see a film tonight about Russian orthodox monks

- I’ve got a brand new pair of roller-skates

- I love lamp

- Last night my boyfriend almost took out our family chess set while we were making out on the couch

- I have it in writing that he is the jealous type

- You can be bred to drink heavily

- I still love Cambridge even though it was closed yesterday

- But regardless of that love, we are in a fight

- That’s the end…….goodbye

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Inside the Polocks studio

Pivot questionnaire

  1. What is your favorite word? phantasmagoria
  2. What is your least favorite word? no
  3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Mustaches, and manners
  4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? pretension
  5. What sound or noise do you love? birds
  6. What sound or noise do you hate? Beeps, like the one my car makes when I get in
  7. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck, I love any word that can be almost every part of speech
  8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? English Professor
  9. What profession would you not like to do? Accountant
  10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Don’t worry your in the right place

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Creative self love

Ok so inspired by my boyfriend who wishes he could do more creative things, I’ve reposted my choose your own adventure poems. Originally posted during poetry month two years ago on my myspace, I have decided to dust a few out of the mothballs, as
  1. they’re kind of fun
  2. they are a little instant gratification poetry. Like knitting a scarf. Or for those who aren’t feeling creative but want to bust something out so they don’t forget how, a little poetic masturbation:

Super list poem

List two books you’ve read in the last month

List two singers by last name

List an article you read in the paper (can be an illusion to the subject)

Name a Johnny Depp film

Name a Cillian Murphy film

Name a foreign film

The last place you had an alcoholic beverage

What is your favorite word

Your favorite color, book, film today

A song title (as in the song that just got stuck in your head as soon as you read this line)

What is your favorite curse word and why

Add punctuation, prepositions and conjunctions

Capt Corelli’s Breakfast on Pluto,

Love Loeb

A lawyer kills a man for touching his little girl

The deadman.

Breakfast on Pluto,

Love me if you dare

At a mutual friends place.

Herb Gardens,

Green trees grow in Capt. Corelli’s

Do you want to go my way?

Fuck, It’s always doable

It ain’t Whitman but at least it gets your head moving in the right direction

Monday, October 13, 2008

I will make you go to Rehab

“Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know you realize that life goes fast. It’s hard to make the good things last. You realize the sun doesn’t go down, its just an illusion caused by the world spinning ‘round”

How neglected my little blog has been of late

I am deeply sorry for this. A lot has been happening. My living situation has almost instantly turned to hell in a colonial. My room is freezing. And until our recent colder temperatures I had no idea. And I am less then pleased. I could have lived with all of the other issues of my living condition (ie, my landlady’s load voice which she inststs on using the second I walk in the door, her insistence that she yell at me from other rooms, her smoking (yeah didn’t tell me that when I moved in) that makes me want to take I up again like woah, the fact that I don’t have my own kitchen, the fact that she won’t be happy until my far more patient roommate and I are bleaching and scrubbing our shower every time its used). And this is made worse by the fact that she is insisting that she told me the room got cold, which is defiantly not the case as I would have declined to move it if it had. This, with everything else, plus the fact that I’m parking my car in the road where her insane neighbor already made mince meat of my roommates side mirror, is the reason I am pretty sure I’m done with this home and all it intails. Its making me realize that despite the fact that its cheaper to live this way, id rather take out the cash and live somewhere nice, for the sake of my studies. Though my mother now thinks that this is all a rouse and that I really just want to move home. This is very far from the truth, but it also means that I cant really ask for her help in looking for a new place. Not that she’s my go to girl, since she hated living with someone else and yet insisted I do it.

Anyway, I’m excited by Halloween and hope I get to celebrate it to its fullest. I had wanted to be Dorothy and found the cutest costume, but due to budget cuts with no sign of government funded bailouts, I may opt instead for dressing up as Amy Winehouse. This will be as easy as borrowing a dress from my little sister, doing up the hair, asking my sister very nicely to do my eye makeup and donning some fake tattoos and a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels (though by the time I make the bottle in such a way to me it may seem half full). Side note: watched a thing on tats last night and was completely grossed out by new trend of eye tats….gyahhh. Though the tattoo ink that glows under blacklight but is invisible in daylight is pretty awesome

Two top fives may cover the rest:

Top five favorite things:

  1. white cheddar cheese its
  2. starbucks- 2 pump Pumpkin Spice Lattes, soy with caramel drizzle
  3. Deathcab
  4. my panini grill
  5. Bones

Top Five things I am less then pleased with

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. My little $375/mo ice box
  3. McCain’s potential death, Palins potential appointment as president, and my potential move from country as angry ex-patriot
  4. like my roommate calls it “the tyranny of Phyllis”
  5. filling my gas tank

Monday, October 6, 2008

Lost and scarfs

So I stumbled today on this little gem. It was a format I apparently used when I had a live journal (so emo) a few years ago. And now I feel compeled to give it a go

Ok here’s what’s up:

Grades: so far none yet which is upseting

Books read: just law ones

Happy thoughts had: a few mostly recent trip to see deathcab related

Offers for New Years accepted: none yet (obviously this was around new years)

Times I missed someone: quite a few

New clothing worn: just my green scarf my favorite thing in the world. its not new, but its new for this year

Times excited about something silly: wearing aforementioned scarf and looking at a new place where crazy old ladies don’t bother me as soon as I walk in the door

Observations: nothing brings people together quite like sports & it’s more fun then I thought, to be one of those people in a relationship when a typically “romantic” song is played at a concert

Good times: went to the sims today just to pick up my phone card. And had a cosi….allll right

Great Oldies: “burrito” by Pete Yorn. It came on when I was listening to my iPod

Stories worth sharing: none at the moment

Reasons to be happy your alive: I have Thursday off

Reasons to wish you were dead: I’ll probably spend it studying

Any extra thoughts: Ian Sommerhalder episode of Lost is on. This is why this message will be brief as it is my favorite episode of the season

Sign off message: I’ll follow you into the dark

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The last days of disco....Alex rule

Everywhere I’m going

Everywhere I’ve been

I’m always moving in circles

But I’ll never give in

Today I went into my surprisingly empty classroom and talked about how dumb Sarah Palin is. Then I remembered that I had a class before this one (hence the empty) and freaked out. This was God’s little way of putting me in my place after I called Palin dumb.

My prof wasn’t upset though. He asked when I came in, if there was some sort of traffic problem and I said “no. I just forgot I had class” and he just laughed

Dare I say this was the work of the …..Alex rule

Note on the Alex Rule:

1. The Alex rule, though named after me, is not about me. It came about one day when anonymous person A commented about how annoying the actions of anonymous person B where. I said this wasn’t fair because if I had done the same thing she wouldn’t be mad at me. To this she relied “but your Alex”. Thus the Alex rule was born. And while I realize it is incredibly self-aggrandizing to even mention it, keep in mind it applies to everyone, and I’m insisting the name stay as it is the first and very likely the last thing to be named after me, and if I can only have one thing I would like it to be a sociological concept (or is this psychological? orthogonal? Radical? Nonsensical?

2. The Alex rule in its simplest form is a concept where the actions of one person do not offend you (or are “ok”) because the person committing said actions, has in some way, been elevated of the standards to which you hold another.

ex: When an effeminate gay man working for the gap tells you your pants make you look fat, its ok. He is being honest. He doesn’t want you walking around in anything but your best

When a 20-something year old female working for the Gap tells you the same, she must be destroyed

Alex Rule

3. The Alex rule is a possible defense for actions in certain situations. For example, when you perceive potential backlash to a comment it can sometimes be countered by the Alex rule, but not always.

4. Those to whom the Alex rule applies, do not have absolute protection under it. Even those with seeming invincibility under the rule will cross the line eventually.

5. If you do not fall under the rule, it is futile to try……sorry. You will have to be one of those few among us who have to watch what they say

6. The Alex rule differs from person to person. What offends one, is totally cool under the Alex rule to another

7. Despite the origins of the concept a few years ago, there is reason to believe that all Alex’s fall under this rule, and it may be necessary to pretend this concept has classic historical backing, starting with Alexander the Great.

Other great Alex’s: Alexander Graham Bell, Alex of “A Clockwork Orange”, Alexander I, II & III of Russia, not to mention Alexandra the Czarina of Russia, Alex Trebek, Alex Kapranos of Franz Ferdinand, Alex Van Halen, Tropical Storm Alex, Lex Luther……

I sent out my first resume and therefore, after attending a lecture on professionalism decided it was wise to erase/ untag all my “naughty” picture on facebook today. I guess the childhood is officially over.

Ode to Alexandra’s now dead childhood:

I liked being little

Not good at anything other

Never liked to settle

And I was my own big brother

Now I’m older then sin

What a state I am in

A lifer, a worker a lover

The end

In more ways then I think I am prepared to realize.

On a happy note I heard a good joke today:

“Sarah Palin is debating tonight”

haha knee slap

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Designers….where is the lorax?

Went to the science museum. Learned some things. Went to the Dr. Seuss statute garden as well. Saw the Lorax. I had wondered what had happened to him.

Saw a women, or rather was subject to her obnoxious ranting to her children. From the rampant craziness I was able to hear, she was taking her kids to the museum systematically, visiting a small section so that the kids will learn everything about that section so that they learn something rather then moving from section to section without learning anything.

In other words, she is single handedly removing all the joyful curiosity out of learning. It’s ok though. It’s always nice to see a women crushing the joy and life out of her children

In other news, the improperly named “bailout” was shot down by the house. And the Dow lost over 700pnts that day.

Everyone panic

A haiku:

A quick second of

Afternoon deal fulfilling

It frazzles my face

And finally PR:

-didn’t remember it was on until I stumbled on it (bad sign)

-if Kenley isn’t gone this episode I may protest the show for the remainder of the season unless I know after the fact that leeanne is still on, which then may lead me to catch the rest in reruns.

RIP Paul Newman. Is it a coincidence that our “last American hero” dies before it seems like the country nosedives into oblivion, left to reference him and all our other nostalgic moments in the history of our beloved country at the bar for drunken superpowers that once were. England is saving us a seat.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Thinking salad

Everyone loves a good stream of consciousness narrative, don’t they. I think it’s funny how often I studied them in school, loathed them on a conceptual level and the day it finally occurred to me that I was a mild SOC writer myself. The horror. Though that bothers me less now. Though I’ve always wondered if I could even stop being that kind of writer. How do you stop writing in the same path as your thoughts. I suppose everyone’s different. I mention all of this because I am enjoying a Greek Salad.

Which leads me to think of my favorite Mediterranean resterant Arugula

Which leads me to compile my top five list for restaurants

This list is:

  1. Arugula
  2. Tequila Mockingbird (fantastic Mexican not to mention it deserving a place for having such a cheeky name)
  3. the Colony (best pizza I have ever had)
  4. Cambridge house (find better pub food. I dare you)
  5. The Meadow

This leads me to want to add footnotes to the list: mentioning that #1 is always number one. Tequila may always be number 2. Cambridge is fairly new. Meadow is very new and replaces the sushi restaurant in Bloomfield, which had at the time replaced Wasabi. The fact that almost everykind of cuisine is mentioned in this list is not on purpose and is just a matter of conscience. The fact that #1 is a Mediterranean restaurant is not.

This leads me to wonder if I’ve studied so much law that I am now footnoting my own thoughts.

This reminds me of some of the now legal based humor I am routinely subject to

This leads me to wonder if footnoting could have a good place within some of my writing. It would certainly push the form

I get excited about the plans I have for my next creative writing endeavor, which I have come to realize was, on the whole, ignored last year when I worked. At the very least it gives that creative muscle a work out

I fear it may have atrophied

I think of Lackoff and Johnsons work on how many of our conceptual processes are shaped by metaphor. (if you haven’t yet, go read their book and or essays.)

And this more or less gets me to where we started, which the exception of a few detours that came up as I started to type

This salad is good

I’m about to eat the peppers. I hate it when people don’t eat the peppers.

The two best, most constructive things that anyone ever said about my writing where:

  1. “there is an underlying humor to everything you write” I love this because there was no way I could control this, but I felt it added life to even the most boring things I chose to write and it meant that regardless of the subject my personality would to some degree always come through in what I wrote
  2. “you know your characters and have a great scope which is admirable” I love this because I always feared I did too much or too little with my characters. So much of the meaning of actions of a fictional character are no more my doing then the readers so I loved the thought that each of them existed as a sperate entity from myself. In other words there were not 5 versions of me at any given time in my work. Though an aside it is funny to me that one of my best criticisms used the word admirable, which while suggesting no negative aspects, always seemed like a passive aggressive word to me. Don’t ask me why.

I also want to mention that one of these came from a friend, and one came from my “hot professor”. I wont waste typing space discussing that it just seems meaningfully unrelated.

In closing: take your creative muscles to the gym because this is admirable and only pussy’s don’t eat their peppers.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sunshine and rape exams

I’m so happy today it’s annoying. I’ve told the story at least ten times today so I wont again, but long story short, I was in a deep financial murk, with a loan held up, causing me to take a loan from my parents….never a good things. Well then an unlikely angel of mercy (the US government) came to my aid and rescued me (rather offered me money that solves literally all of my problems). Hurray. Now as a kid I was never into princesses but damn it feels good to be rescued. I may have to do this more often.

That was one of those stereotypical girl things that never got a hold of me, princesses. I mean what was the appeal? They sat around all day waiting to be saved. I always wanted to be queen. I joked about this a lot growing up and then one day my mother told me it wasn’t a joke it was the truth. And to quote her “and you didn’t want to be the queen to have better jewels and a king, but to have absolute power”. This seems harsh. And unfortunately true. I was always more interested in adventure stories and I liked girls that got out there and did things. I LOVED Nancy Drew. (you can imagine my dismay at the recently released film version, which not only made her too young but seemed to want to add into the mix some crap about the perils of fitting in at school et al, everything that ND wouldn’t have given a rats ass about). Nancy was bad ass. If something happened she got in there to figure it out and by any means necessary. She was also a stylish teenager- early 20’s gal with a sweet due and an even sweeter ride (I should mention I was an avid reader of the early original Nancy Drew. They were re-done in the 70’s I believe, to modernize them, but for me early Nancy is the only Nancy). Needless to say, these childhood fantasy preferences seemed to have had a residual effect in my adult life, but on this day, and I sat feeling the warmth of relief, I could at least understand it a little.

And speaking of women who sit around and wait for things to happen: Sarah Palin. Oh she’s done it this time. I was cruising around on the net when I was led to an article at that discussed Palins unofficial endorsement of victim funded rape exams. Basically, to summarize very briefly, while she was a governor in Alaska, the state had issues, due in large part to aforementioned town, passing legislation regarding rape exams. Her town was one that required a rape victim to pay for her exam. Just hearing it took me aback a little. Now the article did its best to be fair and say she had not made specific rulings on this issue. However, the miscellaneous fund that these exam costs had been previously taken from was reduced, the man that orchestrated it fired, and issues with legislation hindered by this town. Now as a women I can’t even fathom this for two reasons:

  1. Sarah Palin, you know Sarah as in proud owner of a vagina, choose in her term to, at the very least, ignore this issue that is pretty high up on a women’s rights agenda. Next, women don’t need a right to choose just cause it’s our body. Women don’t need to vote, they need to take the kids to hockey practice.
  2. Even if she hadn’t deliberately orchestrated this, or supported this, how could she just let it ride? Who in her campaign think tank thought that would be a good issue to ignore? Let’s face facts: assuming all moral issues (enough women don’t report rape cases due to the invasive nature of them as is, let alone if they had to pay for the exam), and there are considerable, as well as economic (sorry due to the millions without health insurance rape is only a charge that rich people can afford) let’s remember that men don’t always support women in position of power. And to be fair some women don’t always trust members of opposite genders to represent their needs, though I am excluding for the sake of time all of those men who would rather see Palin in a kitchen then an office. And since she has already natural and maybe undefeatable male resistance, she is also shunning an issue paramount to women and their rights. Is she a nimrod? Is this bitch fucking retarded (that is a proper use but that’s a different blog for a different day)?

Now I’m not delving complete into this. We could be here for days. And I’m in too delirious a mood to ruin it by thinking about this women and her idiocy. So I’ll sum up:

  1. Nancy Drew kicks ass, and I want to be her
  2. regardless of this, an occasional rescue by a knight in shinning armor doesn’t suck
  3. Palin is a terrible person (added to my list, right under Chenney, that remind me evil is real and that prayer is necessary)
  4. If you’re a woman that gets in that booth a votes for her, I hope you get raped and have no insurance to pay for the exam that will facilitate any manner of legislation on your behalf. And while you’re at it, if you get shot, I hope they have to take money out of your estate for ballistics. And when the cops come to interview your mourning family, they also have to make them a sandwich. Government money doesn’t grow on trees you know
  5. I didn’t mean any of that. I hope no one gets raped. That’s awful. I’m just angry
  6. Instead write a letter to Mrs. Palin and say “do you know what the difference is between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Who cares I can rape poor people”
  7. Don’t be a fool, stay in school. And get someone else to pay for it

Monday, September 22, 2008


"Our love...and I mean this in a nice like taking Lassie to the dessert, removing her teeth with a hunting knife; and shooting her in the head with a gun that you and she made together"

and on that love front I may have to take some time in the near future to report on shopping as a couple, and how it seems to represent an ultimate token of love and devotion.

ew updates:

my landlady’s cat is chilling on my bed and I’m a little disturbed.

I have made it through my first official month of law school and I still stand.

I see death cab in a few weeks. Am so excited

Ok all of this “news” aside, I have to talk about the most fantastic thing that I received in the mail. Martin and Osa sends me coupons and the like in the mail. Well when I sorted through it on Saturday I came across a little envelope that seemed a little thicker then usual. And this was because within the package was a stack of what are in essence………fashion flash cards. They have pictures of two well dressed models on the front, with information on the outfits they sport on the back. I have to say…..amazing. there is no better way to advertise. I’m so smitten with them that they have not yet left my handbag. I mean really. Who thought of this? It’s amazing. Pocket guides to fashion, a way to quiz yourself. I love the idea. Between this and the option on their website that allows you to dress a mannequin, as well as shop by entire outfit, Martin and Osa may be the most progressively fantastic marketing retailer ever. I’m sold. Keep up the good work, and I’ll cross my fingers for a attempt at marketing short fiction, martin and Osa poetry, perhaps martin and Osa paper dolls. Keep me guessing and as soon as I’m a women of means again (may be at least 3 years) then I will again be a dedicated shopper.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

what I'm hearing

So I see it in your eyes
There is a burden you cannot hide
But in their arms you feel so alive
And in a moment you're cast aside

All lines are broken
And we need you to hold on
Your eyes have opened
But you've got to go on
I'll comfort you, I'll stay with you
It's a promise not forgotten

Now I hear you in my mind
There is a story you bring to life
And I will bow gently by your feet
But tread softly, you tread on my dreams

All lines are broken
And we need you to hold on
Your eyes have opened
But you've got to go on
I'll comfort you, I'll stay with you
It's a promise not forgotten

You're crying all these tears
But they mean to leave you dry
You're still fighting all these years
By the same old things we wished we never had

Vision softly fades
But there's a light that still remains
And in these walls I feel your sadness wane
But in the moment you feel no pain

All lines are broken
And we need you to hold on
Your eyes have opened
But you've got to go on
I'll comfort you, I'll sing to you
It's a promise not forgotten

Come on baby, let's fight the sunlight
Come on baby, let's light the night


Clive Owen,

Yes I could write about “fictional reality” as I said I might

I could write about school


Lack of



Plank grilled fish

The gym

How my roommate goes to the gym everyday

How Chris does too

How it’s ok for Chris and no one else

Clive doesn’t

His eyes

His face

His manicured facial scruff

He looks better with it

Like he didn’t care to let it graffiti his face

Like rust

Like chipping paint

Inadvertently adding to his appeal

I read an article


About the significance of a mans celebrity crushes

And what it says about them

Scarlet- good taste

Michelle- mature taste

Brittany- troubled ladies in despair.

What does Clive say about me?

The restraining order is still in place?

I did think that

When I saw “other Boleyn girl”

That there are two types of people:




I think I’m a Native

But I have outside sources to the contrary

I may not sleep thinking about it

I don’t want to be a Scarlet

Clive loves Natalie’s

You can tell

I love Natalie

I love blogs

I love pickles, world peace, firefly, firefly’s, trees, fall, apples, coffee, starbucks, boots, books, boobs

I hate people with boobs, Palin, eggplants, ashtrays, spiders and snakes

I love a man to have charm, and a suit, cut hair, table manners, grace, direction, digestion, distraction, disposition, distention

I love mustaches, car knowledge and button downs

I love Clive

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Eat my shit David Yurman

I was, before my days as a student of law, employed by a jeweler. And long story short, while I was there I established, with my boss’s daughter a tiny design project, which he sells in his store. Well she notified me the other day that yet another one of my pieces had sold. Rather, another one of my Capri necklaces had sold. And now I wonder about the power of marketing. You see, the only reason it is called a Capri necklace, is because the colors of the Swarovski crystal beads in it are called Capri blue. Now the decision to name it as such has two factors:

1. I love Italy. I’ve to this day never been out of the country, and my first choice, if I could go anywhere would be Italy, no contest. In fact, I have the dream of some day touring the whole county, stopping in Venice, Florence, Rome (to get my catholic on, a adventure that was more exciting for me a few years ago when pope John was alive. Everyone loves a Polish pope, and for lack of more eloquent terminology: fucker held it down. In terms of humanitarianism and as a model for good Catholics, or even Christians everywhere, he is unrivaled in my mind) Milan (Fashion!!) and finally Capri, which has to be the most picturesque area I have ever seen documented on film. So much so I may never want to leave. And I want to do it right. Have a substantial budget to work off of, and resume until then my Italian studies so I can fully enjoy the culture and not just be one of those Americans that figures every country should know English but that everyone in America should speak it too as a form of acclimation. (This train of logic has been prevalent in our homeland for the past few years…ex: the twin towers have been bombed, possibly by a terrorist group based in Afghanistan….lets declare war on Iraq)

2. My boss seemed to be a one man militia against my name choices. Ex: my ruby red grapefruit colored bracelet was, I thought quite cleverly titled “Ruby” a nickname of sorts for its full name “Ruby don’t take you love to town”. I thought it was cleaver. And frankly if he was expecting something conformist he should have taken a good look at the creator. I mean really. Something nice and normal? How would I sleep at night? So he responded by changing them to Blue and Pink. This was only for inventor purposes but I want having it. So Ruby is now Ruby Red Grapefruit, and Lady Sings the Blues Bracelet (you’d buy it….it was a great name) became Capri.

But this leads me to my original thought. I wonder how much of the bracelet and necklaces success stems from the implication of the name. I mean the color of he chrystals is stunning. Like stop traffic stunning. I wore it on loan to a gallery opening one night and literally had people stopping me to ask about it. But somewhere in its name, and corresponding color, I suppose is some essence of escape, like your wearing a piece of a tropical paradise. I don’t know if this is true but its fun to think about

On that topic, had talk about the concept of “fictional reality” as the result of shows like the hills which are reality shows, but staged and scripted. Being biomedical engineer and therefore prone to “logic” didn’t want to delve with me because it was an oxymoron. And while I am aware of this, you can’t argue that there is now in out popular culture a such thing, and its kindof fun to think about. Maybe more on that later

Monday, September 15, 2008

Keeping Trim on the Hills

So I was online trying my best to avoid work of any kind, when I can across one of those little advertisements that appear on the margin of facebook that said “how did Lauren Conrad lose the weight and keep it off…The Hills diet”. Ok A. when did this Lauren character have weight to begin with. I thought one of the pre-requisites of being on this “reality” show involved having drama without any real world implications, ie being overweight, being broke, not having a job. You know all of those things reality shows try so desperately to convince us don’t exist. Rich girls don’t have your problems; they just have deep discussions about flawed friendships, and unrequited love in perfectly cut scenes, scored with top forty pop and staggeringly limited dialogue. B. even if we ignore this first presupposition, then I think it’s suffice to say that the “secret” to any wealthy teenagers weight lose, or stick-figure frame is simply that they can afford fruits and veggies. When I was an undergrad, I participated in this study of attempting to live off of a welfare budget. You know this type of experiment; teach the rich college kids how the other half lives, as if majority of the class wasn’t living off student loans and ramen already. And while I participated with every intention of “getting something out of it” it was pretty pointless. Our professor gave us daily accounts of how she factored her daily expenditures. You know if you divide the cup of oatmeal she took out of her bulk bin by the total amount and add the teaspoon of maple syrup in exact $ amount, etc etc, you not only realize that your breakfast costs a mere dollar or two, but you also completely miss the point and make nothing more then a mockery of the true nature of the experiment. See the point of this isn’t to calculate the exact cost of your meals (All that will do is make a stronger case for not eating out), its about knowing the fear and horror of walking into a grocery store, with a welfare check and having to realize that it is next to impossible to feed yourself or your family for the next week with the sad amount in your hands. And furthermore, this is also supposed to prove, which to anyone who has every even glanced at any manner of feminist, progressive, socially related, or economic material like myself already knows, is that “fat” foods are cheap foods and skinny has replaced portly as a symbol of financial power. Simply put, the fruits and veggies and non-processed foods are really only realistic on a daily basis for people with more financial income. And that brings us back to C. The Hills is fake. Anyone who has ever left their home knows this. And while I am already upset with the show for its (and this offends the English major part of me) poorly written dialogue as well as its supposing that the youth of America are border-line vegetative, but this is a final straw. Dieting as a marketing ploy. Is nothing sacred to you people! The world of television marketing tie in’s has finally crossed the line.

So lets summarize what we’ve learned today:

  1. According to MTV, real girls don’t have fat (or pimples or financial troubles)
  2. Fat is just for poor people, we now understand (my college building cultures of peace class was a nimrod and) that skinny is the new fat in terms of social markers
  3. The Hills is fake, and MTV thinks your dumb enough not to notice
  4. Soon babies will be born with advertising logos
  5. People who read feminist literature cannot even find joy in facebook without getting pissed about something
  6. If thinking about The Hills doesn’t make you want to kill yourself, or weep for the future of mankind, keep an eye out for the next open casting call.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dramatic boot entrances

Oh fall. As I walked through our gorgeous campus with 18 tons of books on my shoulder I couldn’t help but rejoice at the fall weather. With ample pleasure, I’ll pull my jackets, and scarves from their sad summer homes, air them out in the crisp September air, and wear them with the pride of new mother. I love fall. Its almost unhealthy. And as if by some divine doctrine, pumpkin spice lattes are back at Starbucks. I think this is a good time to unveil my brown leather boots.

Anecdote about the boots:

One moderately temperate day, I was taking a break from work. I had a blue full knee length skirt, with a white shirt on, as well as my yellow calf length jacket, open in weather, scarf, unlooped, with the boots. The whole ensemble had a lot of movement. My jacket tails and scarf swung in the wind. And in this lovely free moving outfit I walked into a Starbucks, past one of their dedicated staff, restocking one of the kiosks in the entrance way, ordered my beverage, and turned to go. And no sooner had I turned around did this aforementioned employee say to me “oh my god. I love your boots! When you walked in it was sooo dramatic!!”

What a feeling. You know those parts of films where an important secondary character enters for the first time into the audience’s field of consciousness. There is usually some dramatic music, slow motion, wind machine, maybe lamenting inner monologue. That’s how I felt. Muse played in the back ground, someone made some remark about me, good bad or otherwise, wind machine tossed my green scarf in any which way. Yeah it’s pretty good.

Aside: boots will make their debut this season this weekend as I order a pumpkin spice latte, soy, with caramel sauce.

Yeah it’s dramatic

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Palin….I can’t believe it’s not Clinton

I am sick. How awful. It’s my third week of law school and I sound like a sniffling Kathleen Turner. I can’t focus on my work and everything, including strawberry kiwi Snapple, by far the most delectable flavor, taste like ass.

However, I am consoled by the distinctively fall feeling that was in the air today. I love fall. Maybe it’s a New England thing, but I couldn’t live without fall. It’s the most pleasant weather, most beautiful in terms of foliage, you get fresh apples. Oh and the clothing. As far as dressing is concerned, fall is my favorite. I am now eagerly awaiting whipping out the boots, blazers, scarves, wool and other assorted fall trappings.

The only thing I’m not looking forward to is election time. I can’t help but feel like, despite the past 8 years of declining economy, war, and general political unrest, mixed with atrocious forgiven policy and a torture loving “war on terror”, Americans will still refuses to do what’s right for them. And an aside, I have to note that I’m especially disgusted with Palin. I can hear the arguments for her from here to Sunday, but still I can’t shake the notion that her appointment as VP candidate seems to be an effort on the part of the Republican Party to pick up the vote of those still upset over Obama’s victory over Hilary. I loved Hilary. She had my complete and undying support. And as upset as I was at her lose, and however much that upset manifested itself in snide comments about Obama, I would love to know what self respecting person would honestly think that Palin makes an adequate replacement. And while most of the republicans I know like to argue that she wasn’t chosen to pick up the “scorned Hilary” vote, I can’t fathom a reason to choose her otherwise. As a politician she seems tragically sub-par, especially when you consider the negative press the Republican Party has garnered over the past 8 years. They need someone who really demonstrates the promise of a better administration, and I just don’t get that from her. So why choose her if not to get people like me to vote republican, because as far as I can see her only true qualification is that she is the least offensive female in the Republican Party? And what runs through the republican’s minds if they think someone as hum-drum as that is ever in our minds going to replace Clinton. If there were ever anyone to respect in politics it’s her. All business all the time, with a mindful eye to our people and their concerns. I know a lot of people don’t like Hilary, as they don’t any women who is a position of power (not to sound like a militant feminist but judging by the men and few women who share this view, the argument is hard to refute, I’m sorry to say). Though my favorite response from Hilary detractors has for the past few months been “if we have Hilary it’ll just be like having bill all over again”

A great economy and good foreign relations!! Oh my god NO!!!

Republican party, I am insulted that you think so little of my political choices to think that any vagina in the place of Clinton will suffice. Let’s just hope the rest of my party feels the same. But I’m sure they will. It reminds me of a discussion I had with an especially adorably naive young republican.

“Alex how could you be a liberal”

“Easy. I have an education”

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Paris Hilton's green sex tape!!!

So I am smack dab in the middle of law school now. I found a place to live, have all my stuff, am registered for all of my classes and have been to each one at least once. I have mixed feelings about the weeks to come. Everyone says law school is next to impossible but so far I feel like its all about keeping up with the work, which there is plenty of I assure you. however, I can see where the problems arise not so much with keeping up, but more dealing with the monotony involved with keeping up and having to deal with the fact that now there may not always be a right answer, just wrong ones. But I’m trying to keep my head high. To be honest one fo my biggest issues at present is being bored. I’m sure now that the getting to know you part of classes is over the real work begins. And in two weeks I start my Pilates class which doesn’t resume until regular classes do, as well as all the clubs and organizations I signed up for today.

Ok on that note. I have an interest in maybe studying environmental law (calm down the warm fuzzies about me saving the world. I’m thinking it’ll be big and I want to make sure I reap all the financial benefits of it. collect pecuniary awards as it were) and when I went to sign up for the club I was kindof dismayed. Amid the well decorated tables with colorful signs, give aways, candy bribes, enthusiastic members, and informational materials sat this one sad girl at this one sad table. Ok sad’s not fair for her, more disinterested, reading one of her case books, probably aware of her aesthetic inadequacies of her table compared to her classmates. And I signed the sad little sign in on the barren table. COME ONE KIDS! The world is going green. Time to get off your asses and celebrate. Environmental law is no longer the pathetic field of smart hippies in flannel looking to “make the world a little brighter”. Your fashionable now. embrace it!!! all your good deeds have not been for nothing. You have national press loving you, a multi-company line of products, celebrities endorsing you with enough gusto to make one think you have pictures on them. Mother Earth….you are basically the shit right now!

And live it up because its only a matter of time before Paris Hilton has another sex tape and people will go back to walking all over you, both figuratively and literally.

And ending note: sad story to end. I took like 10 minutes setting up the TV the previous tenant of my room had left so that I would have something mindless to do to realx my little brain before bed. You know something that didn’t involve torts, or property or rights or jurisprudence. So what do I watch?

Law and Order


Good night and good luck

Monday, August 18, 2008

Top Five Song Lyrics

So I went easy on the opinions the first time, mostly because I felt compelled to write something then actually having anything to say. This is rare. But ir-regardless.

I suppose I would like to breeze through some getting to know you chit chat so that I can allude to things without feeling obligated to explain to the three or four people that will read this. I’m in my early 20’s. I’m a Polish American, Sagittarius, lipstick feminist with a complex about my looks (especially in the boobs) and I talk a lot. My latest adventure is Law School and I’m probably more terrified of that then I have been of anything I have attempted. Ever. I love to cook, read, write, watch movies, talk about stuff, stack creamers, pick fights, think about things, and make lists.

My sister and I have been making lists together recently. Top five lists to be excat. For example our latest one was “top five emo bands we are ashamed to like”. Mine were Panic at the Disco (not that shameful), 30 Seconds to Mars (again) All-American Rejects (little shameful) and metro Station (I am so ashamed I considered not posting this). I think its interesting ot look at things like this. So much of our own ideas of identity are based on our likes and dislikes, and it is interesting to really think them out and try to negotiate how they fit into our own ideas about ourselves. Like the way that people don’t see certain people listening to certain musical styles, as if there were more at work with ones acoustic preferences then like and don’t like. You should try it. Its interesting to see how little your choices reflect who you “are” within a societal context. Or maybe I’m rambling.

I suppose I will end with my first completed top five (they are always in a constant state of re-working, but this one is more or less unchangeable)

Top five favorite song lyrics

  1. “I’m a sucker for Smuckers Jam” (Gym Class Heros, with an honorable mention to “my name is travi and I’m pretty much a big deal”)
  2. “Don’t waste your time or time will waste you” (Muse)
  3. “You can’t be a pimp and a prostitute too” (The White Stripes)
  4. “Mix your milk with my cocco puffs” (Black Eyes Peas)
  5. “She blew my nose and then she blew my mind” (The Rolling Stones)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Make it work

So this is the opener, my premier entry, my first blog entry. As I’m writing I’m watching Project Runway and talking to my sister. She and I are considering fashion, and what the outcome would be on publishing a year long correspondence in book form, a la Jackie Kennedy and her sister. I imagine long winded expeditions on life’s vexing mysteries. “dearest tranny,” I would write with earnest “did you ever consider the philosophical implications of lip-gloss.” I want this blond girl to stop saying make it work.

Though I do like that Suede refers to himself in the third person. “Suede likes that”, “Suede is sad” etc etc

I’m thinking I may have to do the same. “Alex likes that” “Alex is happy” “Alex is worried that the fact that her first blog entry has no purpose is too evident”

Well I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

Thank you for your time